Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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