I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
