the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
