morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
should my penis look like a turkey
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
