i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She's the barista slut.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
