I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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