Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
