I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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