oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
