in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
