I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
