just survived the first fart of the relationship.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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