I skipped work to stalk him.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
