I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
