So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
