Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
