Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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