I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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