I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
someone owes me an orgasm
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
