oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
