i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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