She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
