you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
