I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
