The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
