So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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