I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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