I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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