where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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