all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize