Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize