I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This is classic penis vs brain.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
