dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
