Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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