Whod you bang
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
