he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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