No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
