Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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