Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
