Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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