I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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