we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
