At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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