My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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