ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
