Kiss
Puke
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
