I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
