A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
