Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
