Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
