If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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