and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
