I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
