He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
