the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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