I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
