Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize