Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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