once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
