I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
