i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
