Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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