I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
