no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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