dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
