He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
