I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
