Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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