He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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