how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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