so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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