I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
