My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
