Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
