It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
