I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize